7 Things I Learned from Being Married for One Year

Here are 7 things I learned from being married to Marlena for the first year. It's really me looking in a mirror and seeing where I can improve. 

1) Women are strong

I workout with Marlena at Smarter Fitness Gym. She’s more mentally tough than I am. Nothing but reverence for her. Her stamina and drive and focus go way beyond mine. Women are strong.

2) Disorders

I learned that I have an eyesight disorder. I can’t see things in the refrigerator. I knew this before. But she’s so patient and can wait for a really long time for me to find certain items. This disorder is bad.

3) They Know too much

You can know someone so well that you can hear their voice for half a second and know their mood and what they need. My wife knows me that well already. I know my wife so well that I.... don’t worry, Marlena. I won’t say it. I can’t imagine what she’ll know about me after 20 years.

4) Can't Communicate

I’m a communication consultant / specialist. I can come up with a communication plan for the most complicated data product. But I can’t communicate feelings to save my life. I have caveman syndrome, and I am giving birth to the words of these feelings. It’s painful. Maybe as painful as childbirth. But it’s mainly painful for her because I fumble these feelings and they hurt her. But we try to work towards love and tolerance and being in a place where we can be helpful to one another. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows... but it is way more often than not.

5) Competitive 

I’m insanely competitive. One day on a basketball court, Marlena wanted to play me in basketball. I checked the ball, and almost bumped into her like I was playing my best bud. Luckily I stopped myself. But she saw the person within. 

6) I Fall Short 

I wrote vows to Marlena and shared them with her a year ago. They should be super easy to always do. Things like: “I will always be your biggest fan and I will always be on your side.” And, “I will always do my best to lift you up and hold you and love you when you're sad.” I have grown in awe of the brokenness of the human condition. When I feel my brokenness or am blocked with emotion, these simple things suddenly become difficult to do.

7) Where You'll Find Love

I have learned a lot about myself over the last year. Marriage is a mirror. I see my flaws and shortcomings. I see who I want to be. I see the delta between the two. And my partner sees them, too. I feel naked and vulnerable and exposed at times. I can’t hide anywhere. I can’t hide behind a mask. She knows me. Like the actual me. Not the fake mayor working a crowd. But me. And it’s liberating. And authentic. It’s personal. And terrifying. It’s terrific and comforting and at times can be frustrating. But I think that’s where the love is... in the tension... in the naked morass of embarrassment and vulnerability. And that’s where I hope I am with Marlena until the end of time.